The visit to the old folks' home

There’s skin infection on her right arm. It has been troubling her for many years. There, she has to take care of her skin herself. At times, when the weather is hot, the infection will worsen causing her right arm to blemish and itch. When she sees doctor, she has to pay the medication fee herself. As a retired lady she does not have much money. Unlike what I thought, free medication is not provided for these old folks.

Chatting with her, I enquired about her hometown. She’s from Penang. She said she would like to go back Penang once a while, but she couldn’t. Her reply was short and simple, “How can I go back if I don’t have money?” She later explained that she usually return to Penang, her fond hometown, once every three years to visit her mother’s grave. She has to travel by herself via public transportation. My heart sank upon imagining an 80++ year old lady travelling by herself from Subang to Penang via public transport.

There’s another lady who advised me, “We have to be optimistic in life.”

“We can’t live our lives being sad or negative. We have to be open-minded and learn to let go.”

These words coming from an old lady living a much more difficult life compared to mine greatly affects me. If she is that strong within, I have to be stronger. Our visit is not that great a deed. Their sincere words for us were greater.

My fellow peers had shared their perception and experience of the visit with me. These old folks living together under one roof face difficult times too. Almost inevitably, people from different culture and background will have to deal with certain issues arises from their differences.

“There are political issues here too, you know?”

“There are people who don’t like to talk to you here. And even dislikes you.”

Being sent to old folks’ home is like being pushed out of the comfort and security of being with the familiar faces of our family.

While some of us may believe that the environment of old folks’ home cannot possibly be as bad as portrayed, the reality is far from truth. We would like to ask for your kindness to spend a few days of your precious time in visiting different old folks’ home. We would inevitably find old folks’ home with many deficiencies.

Considering the limited fund and resources, we cannot blame anyone for the shortcomings of old folks’ home. And we are aware that many parties are trying their level best to improve the old folks’ home.

But will it not be much more effective if five members in a family are willing to share the burden of taking care of two old folks? Yes, it requires sacrifices and lots of patience. But didn’t our parents sacrifice their time and energy in taking care of us till we grow up into who we are today.

We can only hope of seeing these old folks spending their invaluable remaining time in comfort, or with fewer difficulties at least, in the warmth and patience of their dearest family members.
(CW)

I paid a visit to one of the old folk’s home the other day. Visiting old folks was something out of my expectation. But yet I went with an open heart.

I chatted with a 70 plus old man. I introduced myself, looked into his eyes, waiting for a reply and that’s when he told me that he can’t see. I was taken aback and tongue-tied for a moment. I was shocked and did not know how to continue my words.

An old man with visual disability stays in the old folk’s home? How does he take care of himself?
He seemed to understand the long pause and added that his wife is there with him, helping him and being there by his side.

Well, at least that’s a bit better, I thought. He tried to make it sounds like I-am –okay, but it still made my heart ache when he said he can’t walk fast because he can’t see, when he said that he kind of always slip and fall and it hurts, when he said he has problems getting to the toilet, when he said that his belongings must not be misplaced because that would mean spending a very long to search for his things.

Though he might think that I would not be able to understand him, but I do. I understand the bitterness and how tough it is to face all these sudden changes without family members being around (except the wife).

Interestingly, he then introduced me to a very famous doctor, saying it’s a “must-go” place if I ever, need one. He showed me the way, and drew the map, directing me as detailed as he could so that I won’t get lost.

I was, and still am so touched. He told a stranger thing that he thought is the best. This old man, whom I only met for 3 hours, did so without any expectation.

Before we went back that day, I handed him some goodie bags and an ang pau. We said goodbye and shook hands. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze before I left. The visit left me with precious memories, and at the same time, inspired me a lot.
(Huey Yee)

I felt there was a gap between us. Perhaps the old folks needed some time to open up their hearts. It is of no surprise that they are more reserved considering that they have been left there by their loved ones and have since been lonely there.

Well, fortunately, after about some time, they began to talk about their life stories and daily routine. As a matter of fact, many old people do love to talk for long hours! In other words, they are no different from any of us. They just wanted love, attention and someone they can connect to. The only difference I could see is that they are less fortunate because they have fewer opportunities to make friends compared to us.

There was one incident that really touched my heart. It is worth sharing to everyone. From my experience that day, I felt that all the old folks wanted me to know one thing. All of them told me the good stories about their children; how nice people their son is, how much salary they earn, how many grandchildren they have. All praise but no blames. They love their children so much! I remember it clearly. I could see it in their eyes. They still love their children even though their sons/daughters have sent them to the old folks’ home? Yes, because parents care for their children without expecting much in return.

If you are still staying with your parents, aren't you lucky? Because you still have the chance to appreciate them. You can still listen to them, dine with them or just be with them. Well, actually that was the first thing that came to my mind after speaking to one of the old folks.

We ended the visit by singing some hymns to them. At the end of it, I can see all of us felt good inside because we know that we have made another person happier that day.
(Gary Lim)


PS: By addressing the stories above, we hope to remind everyone to take care of our parents by ourselves instead of opting to old folks' home. Help us spread the words above to everyone by:
1) Publishing the stories above in your blog.
or
2) Forward it to your friends.

Thanks pals.