A Happy Human Being :: 31st INCOVAR DHAMMA CAMP

Thanks to bro. Siew Lin for posting this article >>

On the first day of the camp, I was late........ for the morning puja. Then my group are forfeited, we had to wash the dishes. This is based on the Amazing Race theme that this camp has... for this time.

Now as I see among the faces of my group, I regonised them only through facebook pictures. Our group leader is Chow Foong, if this name sounds familar, you're right. He's Chow Fu's (the one who's in the top 5 physics Olympiad team) older brother.

So, we kinda know each other even before the camp itself. Except that I was in Singapore and I've just gone back to Petaling on the 10th June. The others had prepared a good slide show presentation on one of the ancient cities in India that relates to Buddhism.

The first day of INCOVAR is filled with activities, dharma talks, games in from the Amazing Race... Ok I don't remember the exact schedule. So I'll just tell you what I feel.

They asked who's the old people here? Well, we have people who are in this camp series from 5th timers to 1st timers. As Incovar Dharma Camp is a biannual thing and 4 in a series, the 5th timers were 1st timers 2 years ago and need not pay anything to join the camp! The first one is 4 noble truths, then 8 foldpath, 3rd one is karma (this is the one I'm in), and 4th one meditiation. So anyone who has gone through all 4 of them can be considered as having the knowledge of the basics of Buddhism.

Anyway, back to my feelings, the old timers were quick to warm up as they recognised their old friends, be it from University Malaya, IMU, UPM, etc.... and one old timer from NUS is Ken Juin, and we are the only 2 from NUS. So I naturally feel that the camp is a bit unfriendly towards the first timers, as the camp warden and the assistant are 3rd timers.

Due to insufficient preparation time, the first day passed by unsatisfactorily. I thought, man, 3 more days of these.... not fun, not as good as our NUSBS Dharma Camp.

But then, Ken Juin assured me that this is the worst one, it will be better. And indeed, I don't know how, but after the organisers got organised in the first night, I had to admit that I was enjoying myself in the camp.
Let's go through some activities in the camp....
We get to shop in the nearby shopping center, to buy materials for the egg protection game (our egg broke... what a professional pride lost... well at least I'm not an enginneer) which I believe that if we had swapped eggs (ours was a bit broken during contruction), our egg protector can stand more than 3 stories of drop (it has a parachute too).

Eating time is almost always a torture. First meal, Lunch time, we had to feed the person opposite you, not changing the plates. Well, my poor patner... you know why, I took so many food that he had to stuff them in. The trick here is to change the food, not the plate.
Next meal, we had to eat with our hands linked to each other, well, at least we get to feed ourselves. The 3rd meal is fun.... Blindfold eating. We had to feed ourselves with a blindfold over our eyes! I asked to wash my hands after a few unsuccessful attempts to eat by spoon. Then I ate using my hands! They said that this is the first time in many years that someone used their hands to eat blindfold, good strategy. The Forth one and the hardest one is the best one. Blindfold and feed your patner. Our group has just won in the advertisement activity and we get to sit on a chair and table as our reward together with orange juice, chocolate waffles, and so on.... as the others on the floor gets their blindfold, we were relieved.... Until they gave us the last of the blindfolds. Our jaws were on the floor as we had to endure torture even in the face of luxury. Well, there's no using hands this time round, so we guide our patner's hands to our mouths, blind feeding the blind. All these serves to incoparate dharma, as we experience it. The blind in the dharma leading the blind is a very dangerous thing to do, the floor will get messy, we will not get the food that we wanted.... and so on. Appreciation of how the blind eat is also one of the lessons that one can learn from here.


Talking about advertisement, we had an assignment for each group to perform. We had to advertise Incovar in a Sketch advertisement. We had it like Malaysian Idol style, with 3 judges and comments from them. One group used SpongeBob SquarePants and actually created it using yellow, square sponge! Our group acted with 5 people breaking the 5 precepts, gone to Incovar camp, and changed for the better. And we won!

The Amazing Race does features many exciting oppotunities to experience winning and losing. But the dharma lesson to be learnt from this is that winning or losing is temperary.

Well, we have Tai Chi Classes too in the morning, and kick-boxing class on the next morning, the Dharma talks were good, with opportunities for us to become the MC for the speaker. Perhaps the best event is singing time! We inspire, we're the fire, we're the spirite of youth's life..... You my beautiful friend, you bring me joy.... Ehi Passiko, come and see you'll know......Cradled in Buddha's Arms........

One memorable activity is testing of the 5 precepts and assumptions. We broke off into mixed groups and go from one station to another, passing the lying test, the drinking alcohol test , not opening ---magazine test, etc. It serves to tell us that even under excited states, under any conditions, if we don't adhere to our precepts, there's no point taking them. My group consist of all girls and me and the only guy..... we didn't get the first few stations but then, we reconsidered and played the rest smoothly. One particular station is the donation station, where one can donate (to who? donate what?), our group was the first one to go there and people are taking out their wallets, watches, etc to donate.... even an iPhone. I almost donated, but was reminded by them that you might not get it back.... so I reconsidered. This iPhone thing cause quite a stir from the other participants, they demanded to have it back to the owner (the owner didn't said anything). After one day, the organisers finally revealed to us that they had no rights to keep those stuffs, and they were planning to return them on the last day. This is to test to see what we would do. However, due to excessive demands by the participants, they gave it out early. We all learned a lesson that day. Never assume.

And the one unique experience in the Incovar camp is Incovar night. The things said there are to remain there. It's a heart to heart session with blindfolds and small groups, confessing our guilt, the people that we didn't forgave, and help us on a road to forgive them, and ourselves.

I didn't planned to write so long, but emotions are hard to control and harder not to express such beautiful experiences. After the Incovar night, we have our last night gatherings and I commented this to the organisers, "On the first night that I was here, I was disappointed and I wonder why so many of you guys keep on coming back. However, after all we have been through, I've to say that this is the best camp I have ever been to and I hope that Incovar last for a trillion years and beyond.

We each have a booklet that contains everyone in the camp, mine is more than half full signed by people around the camp. Well, lots of them are paises for me, as I revealed my silver status and my rubiks skills to them. Dan Yi Wong, the Malaysian who came to our NUSBS Dharma Camp, also came to the camp on the last day. All in all, I highly recommend this camp, if you have the opportunity to join, by all means, join it. I'm looking forward towards the next camp too, on November/December 2009, but it also depends on my CCAs here, and my exam time.
Just in case someone reading this is a organiser..... I might go back during my reading week on 14-20th Nov, or after 13th Dec..... anyway I'll go for the June one again if I missed the next one.

Did you miss out on the last 2 Musical Puja at BGF?

Well... try to make it the next round on 7th July, Friday! :)

~*~
On a beautiful Sunday evening on 7th June - Full Moon Musical Puja >>
We were privileged to have Tashi & Dechen from Ladakh presenting their sharing entitled "From Ladakh (Himalayas) to Kuala Lumpur" with a slideshow preview of the extreme cold winter in Zanskar. We were proud to have musical performance by a big group of singers from the BISDS choir "OneVoice One Melody", they wowed the crowd with a few renditions of Malay and English songs. It was indeed a full house!

Then on Tuesday, 23rd June - New Moon Musical Puja >>
What a wonderful evening celebrating New Moon with offerings, puja, music and a Dharma talk by Ven. S Pemaratana Thero (entitled "Healing the Body through Meditation"). We started with offerings to the Buddha, followed by an inspiring puja led by Bro Mun Yee & Bro Nee Sern. Next, accompanied by Bro Nee Sern on the guitar, Bro Daniel & Sis Jing Pei of igemz sang a couple of uplifting hymns, after which Ven Pemaratana began his talk to a crowd of 40+ people.

Spending Meaningful New Year's Eve in BGF

What a FUNtastically meaningful way to spend New Year's eve!!

Thank you, BGF for creating a space where family members can spend time together, to party with loads of mouthwatering delicacies , to the accompaniment of lively musical performances by the popular group I-gemz and Datuk Victor Wee. It was really fun with the old , the young and the not-so-young, joining in to sing along to those unforgettable golden oldies.

The best part of the evening, which touches me most, was the Chanting , lead by Datuk Victor Wee, which started towards the "ending" of the Old Year , crossing into the New Year (erm….believe it was "Protective Chanting") . I could almost feel showers of Buddha's blessings washing all over me when the bell was struck at midnight, the vibration of it's chime synchronizing with our Chanting! Delightful!

Thumbs up to BGF for this experience for a wonderful closure to the 'old' year and embracing this New Year on the right footing surrounded with loads of blessings. To be in the midst of so much positive energy created with love and chanting, I know I am "protected" in this new year.

~ from a BGF newcomer, Angief.

My experience in the 30th IDC in Kuantan!

Dear readers,

I am grateful to be given the opportunity by Sis. Mei Joon to describe my experience attending the 30th INCOVAR Dhamma Camp in Kuantan Buddhist Association, from 11 to 14 December 2008.

It is now 1.28am, 29 December 2008, and I feel this is the last opportunity I have to properly describe 30 IDC from the heart, without distractions, as my time spent attending lectures later on (first day of a new semester) might dilute the beautiful memories of INCOVAR which are still vivid and comfortable to reflect on for now.

At first, I felt quite reluctant to join IDC this year, because Pahang seemed to be unfamiliar ground to me. But, I ended up registering anyway, two days late in fact. (Thanks Keng Yan!) The first thing that comes to mind about Incovar is that I have no regrets attending the camp at all.

On 10 December, a group of participants gathered at BGF, before we headed off to Kuantan. Playing mafia in BGF was a good icebreaker! The bus trip to Kuantan was delayed, but our spirits were kept up by constant friendly chattering and an impromptu singing performance by our Thai friends, as well as Malaysian friends.

The first thing that amazed me the next morning was the beautiful scenery! Formerly a mining ground, the lake, which was surrounded by trees and rocks, and minimally decorated, projects a calming energy, especially to busy city-dwellers. Looking down and across from the balcony of the third floor, the miles of greenery seen all around is equally soothing.

The theme for the camp this year was the Five Ennobling Virtues- Love, Sharing, Contentment, Kindness, and Mindfulness. As in 29 IDC, these ennoblers, being the message this time around, were conveyed clearly to us as we experienced how they can be fitted into our lives, through the activities and workshops planned.

Although I cannot remember all the activities, games and workshops throughout the four days offhand, I did make an effort to be present (body and mind) for each activity, and at each moment. Bhante Kumara accompanied us throughout the camp as well, and I developed interest in his sessions, because of his ability to understand how our mind works, with all its twists and turns, and teach us many things by simplifying complicated concepts and ideas. Datuk Dr. Victor Wee also livened us up with his musical talents, optimism, and open-mindedness.

Also, we had the opportunity to learn how to think out of the box with Uncle Bugs Tan and his amazing creativity, and his discovery of applying Buddhism to his talent of inventing new things. Besides that, Kar Wei was also very generous in enlightening us with tips on photography, and allowing us to have hands-on experience taking photos of scenery in the temple. Shalyn’s giant board game workshop (with equally giant Styrofoam dice) provided some physical action to the camp, and I really admire how the game was planned, with the five different tasks, and coordination of six groups playing all together.

In fact, I feel that every activity and each moment lived its place in the camp. Ranging from the real-life Facebook, Light & Easy (the most relaxing time of the day), Xiao Thoong’s workshop, to Wei Loong’s spaghetti, IXP, and so on, I appreciate every one of them, each in its own special way.

Also, our Thai friends graced us with their culture, language, sincerity, and willingness to form friendship bonds which may seem different at first, but are unique in their own ways. Thank you, Oil, Oam, Pinky, Champ, and all of you!

Last but definitely not least…being in the Lanun group, even thinking about the Lanun group helps me generate mixed feelings of happiness, friendliness, trustworthiness and…lame-ness too. Haha! Our very “special” flag and equally “Lanun-ish” group cheer will always have their places in my memory.

One of the best parts about INCOVAR is making new friends and getting to know people better. By attending this camp, I am very grateful to have had the opportunity to interact with new and old friends, and experience the instant friendliness that Incovarians always generously offer.

Another happy thing to do is keeping in touch after the camp has ended- through Facebook and MSN, and through any other possible means! Concerning Facebook- commenting on photos, giving people nicknames and engaging in any other random idea which pops up helps me relive the spirit we shared during the camp, and also activate new areas of myself- especially towards being less quiet and reserved.

All in all, to me, 30 IDC was less intense and physical than 29 IDC, but encouraged more thinking and mental processing. I am also re-learning how to have fun again (without over-thinking), an effortless but vital skill which I have almost lost in the process of chasing through life. I learnt things which I never knew I never knew, and this experience as a whole forms a lasting and comfortable memory to reflect on.

However, at times, things did not proceed as smoothly as expected. But it is this very impermanence which provides both beauty and balance to life, as well as learning experiences.

Finally, to ALL of my Incovarian friends- participants, camp organizers, committee members, everyone- I sincerely thank all of you for a wonderful camp! (Thank you Mak Mak!) Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu!

Goodness in Buddhism has always inspired me, and I am thankful for the chance to learn and be reminded of the Dhamma through these contemporary means.

As the wise claim, the gift of Dhamma excels all gifts. So, INCOVAR, please continue to inspire!

With metta,

Ming-Yi ^_^
(a.k.a mykhoo/mycool)

The "Harmony Here & Now" Musical Puja on 1st August

When I noticed from the INCOVAR Blog that Uncle Daya would be giving a Dhamma talk on 'Harmony Here & Now' I was intrigued with the title as well as curious to find out. Meanwhile the members from SJBAYS would be presenting their first musical performance. How nice! Due to my illness, I was on my medication and I have difficulty in my driving. Anyway, I managed to make my journey to BGF safely.

The topic presented by Uncle Daya motivated me to push myself more. Although his talk was unprepared his jokes as well as his experience was very enriching. The SJBAYS youths performing for the first time were commendable. They wanted a name for their newly formed musical group, how about ‘Subang Jellybeans’?

~ Submitted by sis. Chang Mei May

~~~*~~~

It wasn't a usual Friday; BGF held another New Moon Musical Puja and our team were invited to present our first performance on the 1st of August. It was my first time attending the Puja

I always thought that they call it Musical Puja because they will be chanting with rhythm. Turned out, it was the same Puja chanting we normally conduct during IDC. I feel the reason why the crowd never stopped attending the Musical Puja is because the committees kept the session very interactive, enjoyable and beneficial.

How beneficial? We were really honored to have Brother Daya to share his thoughts about "Harmony Here & Now" in conjunction with the Merdeka month of August. He stressed the importance of practicing Metta (loving kindness) in our daily life. With Metta being practiced universally by people from all nationality, religion and race, we can reduce conflict and harmony will prevail.

We ended the evening with the SJBAYS performance. The four of us lead the hymns singing segment by presenting “Three Refuges”, “Way out West”, “Cradle in Buddha's Arm” and “Buddha my Lord”. We were excited and anxious before the show. Thankfully everything turned out great and we do look forward to perform again in the future Musical Puja.

For those who had never joined, do come and see. Feel the excitement of learning to pray in a fun and interesting way.

~ Submitted by sis. Foong Xiao Thoong

New Moon Puja :: Fri, 1-Aug 2008 :: Harmony Here & Now

Let's mark down the date for the 7th Lunar month new-moon musical puja ::

Date : Fri, 1-Aug 2008

Time: 8.30pm - 10.00pm

Theme: "Harmony Here & Now"

Speaker: Bro. Daya

Brother N.B. Dayananda (Bro or Uncle Daya as he is more popularly known) hails from Penang, the only son of Sinhalese Buddhist parents. He had his education at St. Xavier’s Institution thee and did his HSC in Singapore. Here he was given a copy of the Kalama Sutta and upon reading it he “discovered” the Buddha Dhamma and has been living by it ever since. 1960 through 1963 he was involved with the Mahindarama Buddhist Temple and the setting up of its Sunday Pali School.

In 1964, he was commissioned as an officer in the Royal Malaysian Air Force (RMAF), married Ms W.A. Vimalawathi (another Sinhalese Buddhist Penangite who had trained as a Staff Nurse in Singapore) and raised two children – a daughter and a son. In 1978, Bro. Daya resigned his commission in the RMAF, having attained the rank of Squadron Leader, on a matter of principle. He next joined an American publishing house and worked his way to become the Company’s Manager, International Sales and HRD based in London and covering its entire operations in the Middle East and Pakistan. His work involved extensive travel to Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, Pakistan, India, Sri Lanka and the Philippines and frequent visits to England, the U.S.A, Canada and Australia. Bro. Daya is a trainer in Sales & Marketing and a recognised professional speaker and motivator. He is currently engaged with another USA based multinational.

Bro. Dayananda successfully completed the recently organised, first ever Dhamma Speakers’ Course and has spoken at several Buddhist orgnisations whenever his busy work schedule has permitted him.

Musical performance by a group of youth from SJBAYS guided by Bro. Nee Wern.

~~~*~~~

The last Full Moon Musical Puja was held on 17th July 2008 (Thursday). The M.C. of the evening was by Bro. Brian Lee and the Puja was lead by Bro. Wee Fah.

It was a blessing to see a nice turn out of the crowd, quite likely the 'bring friends along' effort proves to be fruitful. How wonderful to meet friends from Melaka and not forgetting old friends from past INCOVAR camps.

The speaker Bro. Trevor Lee gave short sharing about “Stress Management from a Buddhist Perspective” and everybody experienced the act of sending Metta thoughts to our entire body parts. This lead to some people feeling that we should not be taking our body for granted. Let the shoulder, the legs, the heart just relax and rest.

For the last segment of the evening, inspiration through music was brought by i.gemz! Most of the songs were led by bro. Daniel Kwok, with bro. NeeSern on guitar and bro. Wee Fah on another microphone. It was the first time I heard the unplugged version of 'Dhamma Shines in Me', very interesting. During the rendition of the soft and sweet Metta Metta song, the atmosphere became so peaceful.

The theme of this 6th Lunar month Full Moon was "Happiness @ Work” and true enough, this evening musical puja turned out to be an opportunity to relax, unwind and de-stress after a hard day’s work. In fact, it was also a good chance for everybody to catch up with everyone else! Some of them even continued their socializing after the musical puja by proceeding to ‘mamak’.

INSPIRING THE FUTURE
Buddhist Gem Fellowship

Reflection from Stonepeace

After listening to the these advice, I thought its so cool and actually so true! Wish we can all really practise it. ~ mj

Pitfalls of Wrong Understanding of Karma

When something bad happens to you, you might wallow in misery,
resigned that it's your inescapable bad Karma.
When something bad happens to others,
you might sigh that it's just their bad Karma, and do nothing to help.
When something good happens to you,
you might become complacent, thinking your good Karma will last.
When something good happens to others,
you might become jealous that they have good Karma.


Benefits of Right Understanding of Karma

When something bad happens to you,
you have an open attitude to make the best of it, and better your Karma.
When something bad happens to others,
you help because they might have the good karma to be helped by you.
When something good happens to you,
you cherish it because it might not last, and remind yourself to do more good.
When something good happens to others,
you rejoice in their merits and encourage them to do more good. - Shen Shi'an

The karmic is not fatalistic as the karmic is dynamic. - stonepeace

Developing Leadership to Make Things Happen

Different types of people = Different types of leaders!
by Fran Kick

The best definition of leadership I can share is by way of an example. At a leadership conference before it began, one person saw that the room was kind of a mess. There were papers on the floor, a Coke® can in the corner, and other miscellaneous remnants indicating that an entire day of classes had occurred in this lecture hall. Before we started the session, one person got up out of his chair, picked up a piece of paper and the Coke® can, threw them out and sat back down. Not less than maybe 30-60 seconds later, two other people got up, went around and picked up trash near their chairs, threw it out and sat back down. That first person was leading by the most effective form of leadership possible, leading by example.

No one went up to that first person and said, "Hello, we’d like to appoint you the official room picker-upper and give you two assistant room picker-uppers." They did not receive any special consideration, grandiose title, extra bonus points, cash incentive or reward. They took Nike's® advice and just did it. No one even went up to the other two people who helped out and said, "Look at that! Did you see what that person did? Now if you were even half that responsible, aware, or caring, you’d help out too!" They didn't get any that-a-boy's, pats on the back, gold stars, happy face stickers or candy bar rewards. They saw someone take the lead and they followed.

Leaders do what needs to be done,
when it needs to be done,
whether they want to or not,
without being asked

...which in the words of Thomas Huxley is what it takes to be successful in this world. It's about a different level of awareness more than anything else. Leaders see opportunities to make something happen and they act on it.

Leaders pay attention to more than appearances. They notice the small details as well as the big picture; things that others miss. Leaders take the initiative in making things happen because they see opportunities before others do. You've probably heard the saying, There are three types of people in the world, those who...

Make things happen,
watch things happen,
or wonder what's happening!

Everyone has varying degrees of how well they pay attention to the world around them. If you’re the type of person who pays attention at a very high level, you'll tend to see more opportunities and therefore make more things happen. If you're the type of person who just pays attention to what they "have to" to "just get by," then chances are you may notice a few opportunities, but for the most part you'll tend to notice other people making things happen and then you'll join in. If, however, you’re the type of person who doesn't pay attention at all, you're not going to even notice the opportunities. You'll occasionally notice other people making things happen, but most of the time you'll wonder what's happening.

It's your choice based on how well you pay attention. Are you going to make something happen and take the lead? Are you going to just watch things happen and follow? Or are you gong to wonder what's happening? The first person at that leadership workshop was paying attention, saw an opportunity to make something happen and took the lead. The two other people who were watching what happened saw the first person's example and followed. Everyone else in the room probably didn't even notice what happened. Leaders pay attention, make things happen and KICK IT IN!

Copyright
© 2008 Fran Kick. Used with permission. http://www.kickitin.com/

Wondrous x'mas in Singapore!

On Christmas day, I had this special chance to visit the 'Nalada Trail' exhibition held in the Asian Civilization Museum in Singapore! It was so wonderous for Cell from KMSPKS to introduce us the special Buddhist Guided Tour for this wordly historial & art exhibition.

I was truly overwhelmed with the arrangement, the historial artefacts on display brought in from various museum, the historial experience of ancient Buddhist empire spreading as far wide as to Indus Valley and Chinese civilization...

So much knowledge acquired in such a short visit, especially for me who didn't know how Mahayana Buddhism came about. I experienced a precious moment when the tour guide lead us to a room with a majestic display of the Buddha's relic, that took my breath away.

At the end of the exhibition, I wish that I could bring INCOVAR (or even anyone interested back home) to Singapore to visit not only the big famous Buddhist temples in this small island but also this not to be missed Nalanda Trail at the ACM! Even the museum itself is an architecture beauty that is worthy of a photography adventure.

Having said all that, I would like to thank Cell for bringing us around KMSPKS and even showing us his office place! I was so excited when the staff there showed us this 'Dharma for Urbanites' diary notebook. I'd wanted to get something like this, a Buddhist inspired 2008 diary as gifts for my INCOVAR committees, but none to be found. *hint hint to sukhihotu & 9bugz*

Now you tell me, if you'd like to have a Buddhistic spiritual journal for your hectic life? Imagine inside this journal you can find the dates for all the Buddhist events? And it looks trendy not typically old-fashion!

OK, now come to think of it, I should have gave donations to defray the printing cost! Yes, they'd printed this to be given out for free! Wow... *Sadhu*

If you're reading this and already felt excited reading this as much I'm writing this, and you really would want to have a copy, yes I've gotten 10 copies exclusively for you, @ INCOVAR.

You can find me at BGF centre during this BGF Year End Party on 31 Dec 2007, or pls leave your comment here & tell me why you'd like to have one.

Amituofo! Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu!

Happy holiday season to you & may you be blessed with a happy inspiring vibrant new year!

Short Essay "What The Modern Woman Wants"

It's worthwhile taking 5 mins to read this essay.
Have read this before and it is definitely worth having another read...

In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, Amanda Chong of Raffles Girls' School (Secondary) chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece on the restlessness of modern life.

Her short story, titled What The Modern Woman Wants, focused on the conflict in values between an old lady and her independent-minded daughter.

'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-versus-West struggles and generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,' said Amanda, who likes drama, history and literature and wants to become a lawyer and a politician.

Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a 'powerfully moving and ironical critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences'. The writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue.

=========================================================

What the Modern Woman Wants
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen

The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seatbelt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'

Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance' 'Liquidation' 'Assets' 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent.

The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval. 'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.

'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter.

'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America. There have been a lot of problems.' The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.

Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look.

The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward
silence. 'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten.

'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'

Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.

'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!' The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence. The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall.

Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.

'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.

The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.

Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook.

Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be
merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success.

What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.

The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering ashes.

She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a
son.

Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name.

Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.

She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.

She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu; old-fashioned. She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.

Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.

Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much
less. When her daughter left the earth everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.

The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger
and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there - down.

The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life.

Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty soulless shell at the altar.

The old lady watched her joss stick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing. Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.

Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.

They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.

'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road. Once we move in to our apartment
we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'

The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in
to do the housework and we can eat out - but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that, the apartment is rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang - it's a Christian home, a very
nice one.'

The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. 'I've been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there.'

'You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself. This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk
deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers trace the white seat.

'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. 'Is everything okay?'
What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.

'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.

'I knew everything would be fine.'

Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love,Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...

Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10% increase!'

Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her... And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.

The visit to the old folks' home

There’s skin infection on her right arm. It has been troubling her for many years. There, she has to take care of her skin herself. At times, when the weather is hot, the infection will worsen causing her right arm to blemish and itch. When she sees doctor, she has to pay the medication fee herself. As a retired lady she does not have much money. Unlike what I thought, free medication is not provided for these old folks.

Chatting with her, I enquired about her hometown. She’s from Penang. She said she would like to go back Penang once a while, but she couldn’t. Her reply was short and simple, “How can I go back if I don’t have money?” She later explained that she usually return to Penang, her fond hometown, once every three years to visit her mother’s grave. She has to travel by herself via public transportation. My heart sank upon imagining an 80++ year old lady travelling by herself from Subang to Penang via public transport.

There’s another lady who advised me, “We have to be optimistic in life.”

“We can’t live our lives being sad or negative. We have to be open-minded and learn to let go.”

These words coming from an old lady living a much more difficult life compared to mine greatly affects me. If she is that strong within, I have to be stronger. Our visit is not that great a deed. Their sincere words for us were greater.

My fellow peers had shared their perception and experience of the visit with me. These old folks living together under one roof face difficult times too. Almost inevitably, people from different culture and background will have to deal with certain issues arises from their differences.

“There are political issues here too, you know?”

“There are people who don’t like to talk to you here. And even dislikes you.”

Being sent to old folks’ home is like being pushed out of the comfort and security of being with the familiar faces of our family.

While some of us may believe that the environment of old folks’ home cannot possibly be as bad as portrayed, the reality is far from truth. We would like to ask for your kindness to spend a few days of your precious time in visiting different old folks’ home. We would inevitably find old folks’ home with many deficiencies.

Considering the limited fund and resources, we cannot blame anyone for the shortcomings of old folks’ home. And we are aware that many parties are trying their level best to improve the old folks’ home.

But will it not be much more effective if five members in a family are willing to share the burden of taking care of two old folks? Yes, it requires sacrifices and lots of patience. But didn’t our parents sacrifice their time and energy in taking care of us till we grow up into who we are today.

We can only hope of seeing these old folks spending their invaluable remaining time in comfort, or with fewer difficulties at least, in the warmth and patience of their dearest family members.
(CW)

I paid a visit to one of the old folk’s home the other day. Visiting old folks was something out of my expectation. But yet I went with an open heart.

I chatted with a 70 plus old man. I introduced myself, looked into his eyes, waiting for a reply and that’s when he told me that he can’t see. I was taken aback and tongue-tied for a moment. I was shocked and did not know how to continue my words.

An old man with visual disability stays in the old folk’s home? How does he take care of himself?
He seemed to understand the long pause and added that his wife is there with him, helping him and being there by his side.

Well, at least that’s a bit better, I thought. He tried to make it sounds like I-am –okay, but it still made my heart ache when he said he can’t walk fast because he can’t see, when he said that he kind of always slip and fall and it hurts, when he said he has problems getting to the toilet, when he said that his belongings must not be misplaced because that would mean spending a very long to search for his things.

Though he might think that I would not be able to understand him, but I do. I understand the bitterness and how tough it is to face all these sudden changes without family members being around (except the wife).

Interestingly, he then introduced me to a very famous doctor, saying it’s a “must-go” place if I ever, need one. He showed me the way, and drew the map, directing me as detailed as he could so that I won’t get lost.

I was, and still am so touched. He told a stranger thing that he thought is the best. This old man, whom I only met for 3 hours, did so without any expectation.

Before we went back that day, I handed him some goodie bags and an ang pau. We said goodbye and shook hands. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze before I left. The visit left me with precious memories, and at the same time, inspired me a lot.
(Huey Yee)

I felt there was a gap between us. Perhaps the old folks needed some time to open up their hearts. It is of no surprise that they are more reserved considering that they have been left there by their loved ones and have since been lonely there.

Well, fortunately, after about some time, they began to talk about their life stories and daily routine. As a matter of fact, many old people do love to talk for long hours! In other words, they are no different from any of us. They just wanted love, attention and someone they can connect to. The only difference I could see is that they are less fortunate because they have fewer opportunities to make friends compared to us.

There was one incident that really touched my heart. It is worth sharing to everyone. From my experience that day, I felt that all the old folks wanted me to know one thing. All of them told me the good stories about their children; how nice people their son is, how much salary they earn, how many grandchildren they have. All praise but no blames. They love their children so much! I remember it clearly. I could see it in their eyes. They still love their children even though their sons/daughters have sent them to the old folks’ home? Yes, because parents care for their children without expecting much in return.

If you are still staying with your parents, aren't you lucky? Because you still have the chance to appreciate them. You can still listen to them, dine with them or just be with them. Well, actually that was the first thing that came to my mind after speaking to one of the old folks.

We ended the visit by singing some hymns to them. At the end of it, I can see all of us felt good inside because we know that we have made another person happier that day.
(Gary Lim)


PS: By addressing the stories above, we hope to remind everyone to take care of our parents by ourselves instead of opting to old folks' home. Help us spread the words above to everyone by:
1) Publishing the stories above in your blog.
or
2) Forward it to your friends.

Thanks pals.