Latest Definition

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Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students, without passing through the minds of either.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not actually read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name(excuse) men give to(for) their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself when alive, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat: A person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking his bath if he accidently falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who, whilst falling from Eiffel tower, says in midway..."See, I am not injured yet."
Miser: A person who lives poorly so that he can die rich.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before the election and your confidence after the election.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and subsequently, kills you with his bills.